Sometimes when we see someone is going through some hard times and a little bit gloomy, with a heart full of compassion, we would feel like giving them a hand and take them out from the dark clouds. Unfortunately not many manage to do it the right way, hence adding more to the problem that someone has already borne. You may feel as if you have done the right thing, but you may just do what you think is right for the person, not what he thinks is right for him. If you feel like inspiring others, don’t start it by demotivating them, it doesn’t work.
First of all, bear in mind that we are the ones who wanted to offer our assistance, not them asking for ours. Therefore, more attention is to be given to them instead of us. In a simple way, it means, let them do more talking than you yourself. Moreover, it is human’s nature to love to speak about themselves, what more in a situation where they are in despair. Allow them to speak up their minds and let it all out, until they feel like they have said enough.
Be an attentive listener to them. Sometimes you don’t need to voice out your opinion; your attentive listening has done it all. What they want is to be heard. Give them space to express their dissatisfaction, and ask them if they have more to say. Again allow them to speak their minds. This may not satisfy you, but it surely will satisfy the one in trouble.
When they have told you of their problems, do not start your lecture or give your opinion. This is where many of us make the mistake whereby some would point all the mistakes to the person (even though the problem does come from the person, do you think he or she would not realize it?), while some would simply voice out what they think, thus put their judgement to decide on the person’s case, and others would give negative connotation and comments about the person or the trouble he or she is undergoing.
Instead of doing that, why don’t we ask them some other questions like; ‘what do you think causes this problem?’ or ‘what’s the status now?’ or ‘how do you feel about this?’ to allow them to speak more of their problems and channel them to think for the solutions. This would give them more space to reflect the problems that they have and start looking for the solutions. We as the wiser persons (as we are not bothered by anything and could think wisely) should encourage them to search for their own answers.
When they have done doing that, you may express your opinion on that matter. You may say ‘you know what I think? I think...’ or ‘in my humble opinion...’ so on and so forth. Pick the best words choice to express your opinion. Even when you want them to reside on your opinion, by doing this you are not imposing, rather you’re indirectly influencing them. Less pressure, more confident. In addition to that, if you’re giving them solutions, give them choices and allow them to choose, do not impose! You may explain in details of the choices and tell them why you think any of them is the best, but leave the decision for the person to make. It is never your right.
Be positive and channel your positivity to them by giving them encouragement and support even when they do not reside on the person’s side. Expression like ‘I believe you can do this’, ‘don’t worry everything would be fine, in sya Allah’, ‘Allah is always with the one who is close to Him’, ‘Allah has never left His servant prayers unanswered’, and many more.
Sometimes people think they can’t get access to someone’s heart for the fact that they only do not have the right key.
First of all, bear in mind that we are the ones who wanted to offer our assistance, not them asking for ours. Therefore, more attention is to be given to them instead of us. In a simple way, it means, let them do more talking than you yourself. Moreover, it is human’s nature to love to speak about themselves, what more in a situation where they are in despair. Allow them to speak up their minds and let it all out, until they feel like they have said enough.
Be an attentive listener to them. Sometimes you don’t need to voice out your opinion; your attentive listening has done it all. What they want is to be heard. Give them space to express their dissatisfaction, and ask them if they have more to say. Again allow them to speak their minds. This may not satisfy you, but it surely will satisfy the one in trouble.
When they have told you of their problems, do not start your lecture or give your opinion. This is where many of us make the mistake whereby some would point all the mistakes to the person (even though the problem does come from the person, do you think he or she would not realize it?), while some would simply voice out what they think, thus put their judgement to decide on the person’s case, and others would give negative connotation and comments about the person or the trouble he or she is undergoing.
Instead of doing that, why don’t we ask them some other questions like; ‘what do you think causes this problem?’ or ‘what’s the status now?’ or ‘how do you feel about this?’ to allow them to speak more of their problems and channel them to think for the solutions. This would give them more space to reflect the problems that they have and start looking for the solutions. We as the wiser persons (as we are not bothered by anything and could think wisely) should encourage them to search for their own answers.
When they have done doing that, you may express your opinion on that matter. You may say ‘you know what I think? I think...’ or ‘in my humble opinion...’ so on and so forth. Pick the best words choice to express your opinion. Even when you want them to reside on your opinion, by doing this you are not imposing, rather you’re indirectly influencing them. Less pressure, more confident. In addition to that, if you’re giving them solutions, give them choices and allow them to choose, do not impose! You may explain in details of the choices and tell them why you think any of them is the best, but leave the decision for the person to make. It is never your right.
Be positive and channel your positivity to them by giving them encouragement and support even when they do not reside on the person’s side. Expression like ‘I believe you can do this’, ‘don’t worry everything would be fine, in sya Allah’, ‘Allah is always with the one who is close to Him’, ‘Allah has never left His servant prayers unanswered’, and many more.
Sometimes people think they can’t get access to someone’s heart for the fact that they only do not have the right key.
